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Talking about your sexual needs with your partner

Many people are ashamed to talk about their sexual needs, and this can be due to many reasons, but it is important for maintaining a healthy relationship, and having a good sexual relationship with your partner can enhance your relationship with them. In this article, I will teach you how to properly discuss sex-related issues with your partner so that you and your partner can be more sincere as well as honest when discussing this topic.

Choose a Right Moment

If you want to discuss sex-related topics with your partner, it is very important to choose the right time. If you choose the wrong time and place, it can make you and your partner feel unable to concentrate and very much affect the effectiveness of the discussion. Please try to avoid letting the conversation take place right before bedtime or immediately after sex; these moments can be stressful for the other person.

Select the Setting
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It's also important to choose the right environment for the conversation. When discussing sex, try to choose a space that is private and neutral, and avoid private spaces where you have sex on a daily basis, such as a bedroom. Find some quiet place, such as a path in the park, or in the study, a private place. This will minimize potential distractions, and the absence of other people will allow for a more open and uninterrupted conversation, which will be more conducive to both partners expressing themselves.

Start the Conversation About Sexual Needs

You need to specify a thorough plan when having a conversation with your partner, this will help your communication with your partner to be more effective, there are many things that you need to prepare for before you start discussing sex, which I will take you through next.

Make a Plan

If you want to start a discussion about sex with your partner, it can be intimidating to start the discussion with your partner, which not only undermines the effectiveness of the discussion, but can also be hurtful. I suggest that you try to give your partner a heads up that you want to talk about sex before you start, and remind him of the time of day to make sure he's ready. Ease the tension by explaining to your partner that this conversation is about improving your relationship, not about blaming him.

Commence with Positivity

The important thing about talking about sex related topics is to keep a positive attitude and express your needs while praising the other person for what they are doing well in sex and encouraging them in their sex life. This will allow the other person to feel your positive feedback, so as to get more motivation. And you can also invite each other to express their views on sex life, which is conducive to couples better understand each other's body.

Avoid Blame

Try to avoid blaming each other in the process of talking, emphasize the role of both of you in the search for a common solution, which can effectively avoid conflict, and can prevent conflicts from intensifying. If you think your partner is not gentle enough with you during sex, instead of saying, "You are too rough during sex," say, "I like you to be gentle with me during sex," which will change the accusing statement to your own expectations, and is more likely to be accepted by your partner. This will change the accusation to your expectation, which will be more easily accepted by your partner.

Be Attentive to Their Response

Listening has a very important place in a good relationship, when your partner responds to you, make a conscious effort to listen to what they have to say rather than getting lost in your own thoughts. If you or your partner is feeling shy about a topic of conversation, respect the other person's ideas and give them enough time to get into the conversation. The most important part of a conversation is to talk to each other, and if your partner has concerns or ideas of their own, be open and attentive to their views and make sure that both of you are given the opportunity to express your own opinions.

Topics to Discuss with Your Partner

If you want to discuss sex-related topics with your partner, it's important to think about the specific issues you want to discuss with your partner, and I've listed a few key issues you might want to discuss:

Frequency of Intimacy

Discuss with your partner the frequency of sex that you both enjoy the most. This will avoid many conflicts arising from mismatched libidos and find the frequency that works best for both of you.

Preferences and Dislikes

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes in their sex life, so guide each other to express their preferences bravely and give each other enough understanding and respect.

Handling Differences in Preferences

Each person's preferences for sex may vary, accept that they are different from your partner's and talk about them in a way that respects both of them, and try to find a compromise that meets both of their preferences.

Setting Boundaries

Clearly express your boundaries or limits in your intimate relationship. Respect each other's boundaries and make sure that consent is a shared and ongoing agreement in your relationship.

Declining Sex with Your Partner

If you want to express to your partner that you don't want to have sex, don't feel shy about it, refusing sex is completely normal and acceptable and your partner should respect your decision not to have sex, let me take you through how to express your feelings to your partner when refusing sex:

Provide an Explanation

Explain to your partner why you don't want to have sex, e.g. "I'm tired today and need to rest" or "I've been under too much pressure at work lately and I'm not interested right now".

Propose an Alternative Time

If you're going to turn your partner down, then you can choose another time that works for you, and can talk to your partner about having sex tomorrow or over the weekend.

Suggest Alternative Forms of Connection

Not wanting to have sex with your partner doesn't diminish your intimacy, try offering them other options such as massages, chatting or cuddling to show them how much they enjoy their company and value the time they spend with each other!

Talking about sex-related topics with your partner can be effective in improving your sexual relationship and promoting a healthier and happier intimacy. Even if you don't have specific issues that need to be addressed, talking about sex can make you feel pleasure and more relaxed during sex.

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