Remember Fifty Shades of Grey? It was a huge hit at the time, and even now it seems like a classic. It also happens to reflect the mass base of control: 2/3 of women have said they have fantasized about bondage and control (1/2 of men have similar fantasies). What most women expect is to be treated roughly by someone they love in a way that they can control and within safe limits. What this will allow women to enjoy is the pleasure of wandering between the boundaries of that safety, between control and loss of control.
So what makes women fantasize about being controlled?
Being controlled is just a fantasy, and the fantasizer is still the dominant one. Women who fantasize about being controlled are basically able to clearly distinguish between control in fantasy and control in the real world, and in principle all fantasy controllers are exactly what girls long for. Why did "Fifty Shades of Grey" become the most popular erotic movie in the world? It's because the male protagonist, with his somewhat domineering, brutal, yet occasionally gentle style that makes women all over the world go crazy, is not only rich, powerful and influential, but also has a seductive physique and face. The reason why women can feel excited in controlled fantasies is that in this little fantasy theater, not only do they direct themselves, but the plot also revolves entirely around themselves, and the object of their fantasies must also be one in a million.
Why do women have fantasies of being controlled?
According to the study, in 20 reports of controlled fantasies over 30 years, between 31% and 57% of women have experienced controlled fantasies, and between 9% and 17% of them have become accustomed to and preferred such fantasies. Early psychologists equated fantasies with subconscious cravings, but this has long since been disproved, as mentioned earlier: the theater of inner-world fantasies does not equate to actual cravings in the real world. Psychologists have compiled several explanations as to why:
Sexual concept of openness and freedom: women who know how to enjoy themselves are not bound by social and cultural impressions, and can enjoy the pleasures brought by sex without any worries, and freely fantasize about various scenarios.
Self-confidence or desire to be desired: Heterosexual women who feel sexy about themselves may fantasize about powerful men, even strict and unsmiling men, and express their needs in a more aggressive way because they cannot resist the temptation and cannot repress it. But on the other hand, this is also partly due to the desire for extreme neediness and dependence.
Guilt outlet: Women who feel guilty about sex, because of shame and anxiety, deny their desire for sex by imagining being controlled when they have a sexual need, and blame their sexual needs on the helplessness of being controlled.
BDSM tendencies, masochistic preferences: Women who prefer BDSM and masochism are prone to fantasize about being in control situations, but these are rare.
Biological instinct: Biopsychologically, many males will subjugate females after courtship in order to mate, so women will also subjugate themselves sexually to men who are successful in courtship.
Reactions to sexual trauma: According to psychoanalyst Brett Kahr, some sexually traumatized women take ownership of their past traumatic experiences, regaining control of the traumatic injuries and transforming them into desire.
But as times continue to progress, it's women's freedom and confidence that creates this sexual fantasy catalyst.
Rape Fantasy
The survey showed that 62% of women have had fantasies of being raped. Among them, 52% have fantasized about having sex under male coercion, and 32% clearly indicated that they fantasized about being raped by a man; while a survey on male sexual fantasies found that 44.7% of men have fantasized about women being seduced by themselves, pretending to resist and eventually surrendering, and 30% of men sometimes fantasize about raping women.
In the case of the word rape, the only things that come to mind are crime and control, and whether a male or female fantasizes about rape, it is a desire for control. Since it cannot be realized in reality, it can only appear in fantasy. Controlled sexual fantasies are mysteries and unknowns that are simultaneously fascinating and overwhelming. Controlled sexual fantasies are like riding a roller coaster, where the thrill comes precisely from the comfort of being able to enjoy the speed of losing control and the pleasure of being at the mercy of it, within the safety of the knowable. This is why bondage and control can be a source of sexual pleasure.
