I often see comments and messages in some social media from women saying, "I often fantasize about having sex with other people when I am having sex with my partner and feel ashamed, is this behavior considered unfaithful to my partner." There are also men who say, "I have a partner, but I often go to fantasize about raping other women, am I a pervert? Is this classified as a psychopath". The famous Dr. Justin Lehmiller in his book "Tell Me What You Want" mentions 7 fantasies that keep coming up, and today we will talk about these 7 common sexual fantasies.
What are sexual fantasies?
Our brain is an important sexual organ. As a reflective processing device for stimuli or the object of hormonal action, it is also the vehicle for human sexual fantasies, which are experiences of sexual behavior that occur in the brain when a person is engaged in sexual activity. It may be just a photo, a video or text or a complete story with clear thoughts, and sexual fantasies can also trigger a wave of orgasm.
In brett kahr's "sex and the psyche", sexual fantasies are referred to as the most wonderful movies of the human mind that can conjure up the most hidden stories. And many people, without knowing it, have come to the conclusion that sexual fantasies are a sin, a shame, a moral degradation of these forbidden contents of the brain. In reality, this view is a generalization and biased. Imagination is free and innocent, and therefore sexual fantasy is also free and innocent.
7 Common Sexual Fantasies
Breaking the Rules & Taboos
The very nature of sex is to break the constraints of routine. There is a rebellious urge within you to do what you have been told not to do since childhood. The more taboo you are, the more exciting it is, the more you break morals and rules.
Keywords:teacher, office, classroom, parents, doctor, sister-in-law, elevator, bus, bondage, abuse, underage, with animals ......
Isn't that the logic? To put it less harmoniously, morality is inherently against human altruism. It's not in line with human instincts. But then again, rules have to be made in order to live in harmony. So it's understandable that people like to act out their desires in fantasy.
Multi-partner sex
Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller found in a survey of 4,175 people that 89% of respondents said they fantasized about having sex with more than one person at the same time. It is also true that most people are receptive to sexual acts such as threesomes or group sex without regard to other extraneous conditions. Interestingly, most heterosexual men in a threesome would like to have it with two women, while heterosexual women have no preference for it.
Powerful, controlling and rough sex
65% of respondents said they fantasize about BDSM (which encompasses a range of related sexual behavior patterns such as bondage, domination, sadism and masochism). Power play in the bedroom is more than just ego-stroking; it adds an electrifying touch to sex.
Desire to make a difference
Normally, having sex in a car can be more attractive than normal sex in the bedroom and people prefer the former. People don't always like to settle for the status quo, and sex with novelty, adventure and change, such as having sex in a new environment can rekindle the spark in your boring sex life. That's why a lot of people fantasize about having sex with someone else's wife.
open relationship
In Lehmiller's survey, 79% of men and 62% of women fantasized about being in an open relationship. In keeping with the tendency towards threesomes, many are considering the prospect of expanding their relationship to include a new partner, with the consent of their significant other, of course. If you're considering putting your fantasies into practice, you'll have to talk it over with your partner.
Fantasy Passion and Romance
Sometimes sexual fantasies don't always seem explicit. Many people fantasize about experiencing intimate and meaningful relationships that evoke feelings of desire and sexual empowerment. Sometimes these sexual fantasies are used to enhance physical elements or sexual performance that they may feel unsatisfied with in real life.
Fantasizing about same-sex relationships
In Lehmiller's survey 59% of heterosexual women said they had fantasized about having sex with other women, and 26% of heterosexual men said they had fantasized about having sex with other men. As society becomes more inclusive of same-sex relationships, people are also becoming more willing to explore their sexuality.
Related reading: Partner's sexual fantasy object is not you? What are the sexual fantasy scenes
Getting your sexual fantasies right
The desire for "taboo sexual fantasies" does not justify evil. Pornhub, the world's largest pornographic website, took down millions of pornographic movies in 2020 after uploading a large number of child pornography-related videos, many of which were revealed to have been filmed by real underage people under duress, as well as illegal videos of rape, surreptitious filming, bestiality, etc., which needed to be rechecked. If you're fantasizing about taboo-related things frequently and it's affecting your daily life, this may suggest that you need to seek relevant professional help.
While having taboo sexual fantasies is common and there is no proven link to mental illness, we are still concerned that people will act on these taboo sexual fantasies? If so that's terrible. The fantasies themselves don't get out of hand; in fact, in the process of creating such a fantasy, people gain a sense of control over themselves. But most people know in their hearts that once these sexual fantasies are acted upon, not only will they lose their sense of control, but they may also get into a lot of trouble and even hurt others. So for most people, fantasies are just fantasies, and fantasies do not equate to a desire for action. Watching incest porn does not necessarily mean that you actually want incest in reality. Imagining a violent sexual encounter doesn't necessarily mean you want to carry out that experience. But for a small percentage of people, they can't distinguish between fantasy and reality. And therein lies the point of the law's existence.
Dr. Goldstein, a sexologist and relationship expert, gives five questions to differentiate between sexual fantasies and reality so you can get your sexual fantasies right.
- If the sexual fantasy actually happened, would the event still be attractive to you?
- Do sexual fantasies include other people and how would your partner feel about this?
- Would your partner want this type of sexual fantasy?
- Does this incident hurt your partner and your relationship?
- Set a date for this sexual fantasy to be realized, and as the date approaches, do you feel anxious rejection, or excitement?
