Exploring sexual embodiment is crucial for individuals, yet the lack of inclusive discussions around sexuality can lead to feelings of disconnection from sexual pleasure. Sex toys provide a means to delve into this aspect of our lives.
Engaging in inclusive sexual pleasure, especially for LGBTQ+ individuals, allows people to embrace their unique sexuality. Part of sexual embodiment involves the exploration of sensations and fantasies. However, when sex toys primarily cater to heteronormative experiences, it can be challenging to envision inclusive pathways to embodiment.
Coping with psychosexual disorders
Navigating the world of sex toys while dealing with dysphoria can be a complex experience. It can sometimes trigger dysphoric feelings if a toy's design doesn't align with your gender identity. Shopping for sex toys from retailers that categorize products by vibrator type or intended body part can be a helpful approach in reducing feelings of dysphoria.
Many sex toys designed for internal stimulation are versatile and can be used by anyone, either internally or externally, providing overall body stimulation. It's essential to remember that erogenous zones are not confined by gender, and everyone possesses unique pleasure points that can be aroused through the use of sex toys.
Inclusivity and Exploring Fantasies with Sex Toys
Fantasies involving sex toys don't necessarily require immediate action; they can be fleeting thoughts that ignite one's sexual curiosity. Society often dictates that sex and pleasure should adhere to a heteronormative script, which can discourage us from delving into fantasies that deviate from this conventional narrative. Simplifying our approach to these fantasies can make it easier to explore them and help us determine our desired path of action.
When considering sex toy fantasies, you can ask yourself three straightforward questions:
"Act on"
Do you wish to bring this particular fantasy to life? This question indicates a desire to transform the fantasy into a real experience and sets a sexual goal for the future.
"Curious About"
Are you simply curious about the fantasy? You might find the fantasy exciting but are indifferent about whether it becomes a reality. Identifying the fantasies that pique your curiosity can make it easier to give yourself permission to revisit them in the future.
"Just A Thought"
It's perfectly acceptable to have fantasies that remain as thoughts and may not align with your sexuality, sex expression, wants, or needs. Recognizing these as passing thoughts can help you avoid fixating on them or any conflicts they may present with your identity. If it's just a passing thought, it's easier to let go.
Fantasies and Healing from Past Experiences
If you identify as LGBTQ+, you may have encountered sexual experiences in the past that didn't align with your sexuality and pleasure preferences, mainly because you weren't granted the freedom to explore them. Fantasies provide a safe space where you can exert control over your thoughts to some extent. This allows you to grant yourself permission to explore fantasies that resonate with your LGBTQ+ identity and inclusive pleasure. Exploring fantasies that align with our identity can trigger the release of feel-good hormones and establish positive neural pathways related to sexual pleasure and sexuality.
Awakening Erotic Sensations with the Help of Sex Toys
For many of us, erogenous zone stimulation is sometimes necessary to create mental connections that lead to the pleasurable release of hormones and arousal. Shifting the focus away from genital-centric stimulation is the key to realizing that sexual pleasure and enjoyment encompass the entire mind and body. Massage candles provide an excellent starting point to explore sensations, especially as they are versatile and can be used on bodies of all types.
Incorporating vibrators like the Inya Rose Vibrator or other vibrators in your exploration of erogenous zones can help you recognize that even when applied to the same body area, a massage candle and a vibrator can evoke different sensations.
While exploring sensations on your body, consider whether a sensation not only feels pleasurable but also be mindful of instances where it doesn't produce any sensations. When awakening erotic sensations and moving beyond pleasure focused on the penis and vulva, it's crucial to explore whether certain sensations feel amazing while others may not be as intense. Instead of fixating on the less pleasurable sensations, if something doesn't feel great, move on to another part of your body or try a different type of sex toy to diversify your experience.
Integrating Identity into Partnered Play
When we're with our partner, we don't want to compartmentalize different aspects of our identity or feel the need to conceal parts of ourselves. Instead, we yearn to be fully embodied in the presence of our partner.
Effective communication plays a crucial role in achieving this integration in your sexual pleasure and sexual orientation. You can begin by asking each other about your fantasies and actively listening to your partner's responses. This approach can foster empathy and a deeper understanding of why specific fantasies hold significance in your sexuality and sexual pleasure.
For instance, you might say, "I have a fantasy that I'd like to explore / am curious about / or have been thinking about." After sharing your fantasy, allow your partner to reflect on it and, afterward, explain why they believe it's important to you or what emotions they think you might experience through the fantasy.
This process can validate your fantasy, affirm your sexuality, and provide reassurance within your relationship.
By combining fantasies with an exploration of sensations, you can liberate your sexual pleasure from heteronormative scripts. This approach allows for more open and uninhibited exploration with sex toys that align with your sexuality.
