Sex toys, if you've ever tried them, are undoubtedly fantastic and bursting with possibilities. However, while many individuals embrace the use of sex toys during solo endeavors, introducing them into a shared sexual relationship often triggers a bit more hesitation. This hesitance is unfortunate because sex toys have the potential to open up entirely new realms of pleasure for both partners.
The simple fact is that sex toys can achieve things our bodies cannot. They can pulse, vibrate, and stimulate in various ways, offering unique sensations that can lead to more consistent, frequent, and intense orgasms. Moreover, even if you only occasionally feel inspired to incorporate toys, having them readily available can inject an element of adventure and novelty into longer-term relationships. With that said, there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't introduce them to a new partner, whether you're beginning a new chapter or indulging in a one-night encounter. In any case, adding the right toy or toys to the equation can enhance and expand your sexual experiences.
However, despite the fading taboos surrounding sex toys, many still worry that discussing the idea of introducing toys to the bedroom might not be well-received by their partner(s). To navigate this conversation successfully, consider the following comprehensive guide:
Normalize Sexual Communication
Introducing sex toys (or any other exciting element) into your relationship becomes more comfortable when you and your partner already engage in regular conversations about sex. Sharing what your partner does that excites you can serve as a segue for discussing deeper desires. Honest and open communication forms the foundation of satisfying sexual experiences. In the words of clinical psychologist and sex therapist Christopher Ryan Jones, discussing sexual preferences openly "can increase intimacy and provide the opportunity for each of you to better understand what is most enjoyable for you sexually."
Choose the Right Moment
Unless you are certain that your new partner is interested in toys, it's advisable not to introduce them impulsively during the heat of the moment. This could create pressure or trigger insecurities for some individuals. Ideally, you should set aside time, outside of sexual activity, to discuss sex toys. In the case of a one-night stand, a quick inquiry like "How do you feel about using toys?" may suffice. In any situation, consent remains the paramount concern.
Sexologist Carol Queen suggests that many find it easier to initiate this conversation in a new relationship since that's often when people are already openly discussing their sexual preferences. However, not everyone feels comfortable discussing their desires early on. If you're on the shy side but know that toys play a crucial role in your pleasure, consider presenting it as an idea you came across in an article or while talking to a friend.
Don't Link Toys to a Sexual Shortcoming
Incorporating sex toys should be presented as a positive, enthusiastic, and sexy idea that both partners can get excited about. It should not be framed as a means to improve a deficient sex life or underperforming partners. While open and honest communication about desires and preferences is essential, introducing toys (or any new element) to your sexual repertoire is usually more effective when you focus on what makes them exciting rather than what makes them necessary to compensate for something lacking.
Think Inclusive Exploration
Approach the conversation from an inclusive perspective, emphasizing that sex toys are just one of many delightful experiences you can explore together to discover what you both enjoy. Discuss the sensations and experiences you want to explore and how toys can help in this journey. Remember that the world of sex toys is incredibly diverse, with options suitable for people of all genders and preferences, including toys designed specifically for couples. The introduction of toys should aim to enhance pleasure for all involved, and you never know, your partner might want to join in the fun.
Show and Tell
If you already have a toy that you want to introduce to your partner, consider proposing an in-bed demonstration where you show your partner how to use it on yourself. This can gradually lead to your partner joining in the fun. Sometimes, a sexy show-and-tell can be an effective way to convey why incorporating a particular toy is an enticing idea.
Another option is to shop for new sex toys together. Your unique dynamic and shared desires can shape your toy selection, making it a reflection of your connection. Moreover, shopping for toys together can be a thrilling and intimate experience that builds excitement between partners.
Bonus Tip: Clean Toys Are Sexy!
Maintaining cleanliness with your sex toys is essential for enjoying them safely. Neglecting to clean your toy, using the wrong lubricant, or storing it incorrectly can damage the toy or lead to the harboring of bacteria, potentially causing infections. Always follow proper cleaning instructions, consult packaging for specific care guidelines, and ensure your toys are in top condition.
Whether you or your partner already possess a toy you're eager to explore together, it's crucial to discuss whether you both feel comfortable using it. Even in the case of a one-night stand, consent is imperative before introducing a used toy. While some individuals may be comfortable with sterilized, previously used toys, others may find it awkward or disrespectful. Always prioritize open communication and respect for each other's boundaries.
In conclusion, introducing sex toys to a new relationship can and should be an exciting experience. Approach it with openness, honesty, and perhaps a touch of humor, and you're likely to succeed. Be prepared for the possibility that your partner may not be immediately on the same page, and above all, keep the lines of communication open. Remember that the ultimate goal is to enhance mutual pleasure and deepen your connection, regardless of the outcome.